Can we love someone without hating them?

Ambivalence - When I feel love and hate at the same time

Last update: 07 February, 2017

"Love and hate are not blind, but blinded by the fire that they themselves carry."

Friedrich Nietzsche

We know what it means to love and we also know the feeling of hate. But what happens when we feel these two feelings at the same time? Why can we love and hate someone at the same time?

These opposing emotions are present in every human being.

You must have experienced these kinds of mixed feelings for someone inside you before. It is inexplicable to us and confuses us because there are two seemingly opposite sensations.

But although it's strange do we feel opposing emotions in more than one matter: Have you ever felt like you were happy and sad at the same time?

For example, when we have to leave home for a new job, or when a loved one dies, but we know it was best for them because they suffered. So it is when love and hate are felt at the same time.

I suffer from ambivalence of feelings

The emotional ambivalence is part of us, we cannot prevent feeling love and hate even if it makes us feel uncomfortable.

When we have feelings of love and hate at the same time, we can see ourselves as emotionally ambivalent. This does not mean that we feel hate first, and then love, or vice versa.

The emotional ambivalence is characterized by the fact that these two feelings, love and hate, cannot replace each other but exist togetherwithout the absence of one or the other emotion.

Can the emotional ambivalence be understood as a mental disorder? This ambivalence occurs in many people who suffer from some mental disorder. For example, people with depression, schizophrenia, psychoses or neuroses can show ambivalent behavior.

But the the most common trigger for this ambivalence is jealousy. In this case, while we love the person by our side, we also hate them for being unfamiliar or attractive to others.

Jealousy is one of the natural causes that love and hate fuse into a single feeling.

Emotional ambivalence is normal, but it can cause us a lot of problems when interacting with others because we don't know how to define what we are feeling.

And what if we're in a relationship? Ambivalence can be confusing and cause the relationship to not go as well as we'd like.

In the skin of the ambivalent

If you've never been in this situation before, you probably don't know how a person might feel whose feelings have turned from love and hate to emotion.

  • The ambivalent person feels attraction and repulsion towards a person.
  • The ambivalent loves someone, but hates certain behaviors about them.
  • The ambivalent person may want to be silent and want to talk at the same time.
  • The ambivalent person may want to act and remain passive at the same time.

All of these conflicting feelings of the ambivalent person cause another very uncomfortable feeling: one Paralysis because we don't know which path to choose.

The consequences of emotional ambivalence

When the ambivalent is between two opposites becoming one, he is emotionally paralyzed by the confusion.

Ambiguity is a characteristic of ambivalent peoplewhose self-esteem is injured because they are unable to choose between two opposing feelings.

Someone with two-sided feelings feels very strange about their own emotions. He doesn't know how to act and how to stop feeling these two feelings that should never merge into one.

This state of confusion causes a loss of self-esteem as the sufferer appears to be unable to maintain a healthy emotional balance.

The ambivalent one begins to distrust himself because he really doesn't know what he is feeling or not feeling. This sometimes leads to anxiety and loneliness which can result in deep depression.

"How sad it was to love and hate at the same time!"

Leo Tolstoy

Emotional ambivalence is not a condition that lasts long. At certain times we feel confused by this merging of emotions, but only temporarily. Unless we have a psychological disorder then we should seek professional help.